It's the eve of Chinese New Year; the streets - excluding Chinatown perhaps - are scarily emptier than usual, dark alleys are quite aplenty for once, a couple of 7/11s are closed, and kids all over Singapore are getting angpaos from their families and loved ones. Against that imagery are people who don't have anything but themselves. Case in example: myself, admittedly.
On the contrary to what we are exposed to in movies, spending your day alone isn't that bad. It's quite lonely, but that doesn't necessarily equate to a negative thing. Maybe you just need a break from everything, maybe you just need a therapeutic solitary walk, or maybe you just need to be by yourself sometimes. It's self-relieving, but not when it becomes routinic. And that's where my problem is probably rooted in. I would have chronicled what I did during the day to illustrate why I'm [back to] writing yet another melancholic blog post, but as the preceding paragraph has hinted I spent my day alone. It's just rather sad how I chose to spend this day eating fast food all by myself. Like yesterday, and the other day as well. I had no choice, really, because it was either that or to starve, so obviously I chose the former.
My point is that too much of something is never good; too much of spending quality me time, or sleeping, or mugging for school, or anything really is never good. But sometimes, you have no better choice but to suck it up. I guess I just need to stop wasting too much of my time waiting for things to happen in my life. It will undoubtedly take time to wait for that one day when I could stop being so bottled-up and lonely. After all, no one but yourself can define what a sense of "loneliness" or "belongingness" means. In the end, you are always dwindled with a choice in everything you do.
Similarly, you need to accept how life will always be throwing a cow at you. But that doesn't mean you can't reciprocate it with a thank-you card and a complimentary milk drink. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't just accept things to happen, and then do nothing. Be radical, do something different, live. Because unless you're home, or unless you accept that your current city is your home, you're not going to feel "home". Likewise, unless you accept that the world needs people who can step up and survive, you're really just a fickle of unwanted dust... which would seem much worse if you think of it in the Singapore context. (Curse you, clean streets.)
Anyway, since it's supposedly the 'New Year' by the time of posting, I guess I should try. Just try -- because I don't want to be bound by a finite number of action verbs and sh*t. To "just try" will probably help me break this routinic fast food and solitude combo of mine, which by the way is actually a lazy man's dream life. But yeah, I guess I can't just let things pass and do nothing else with my life especially since my life's not kaleidoscopic enough to begin with.
In lieu to this quite depressing post, I'd like to end this post with an off-topic, abrupt sign of happiness. So don't judge me for sounding bipolar because I just really want to take this opportunity to greet y'all a Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Here's to a chance for me to have a new year, a new perspective to life, and a new attempt to make my life much colourful. Again.