Disclosure

It's been almost a month now since I've posted anything -- anything of profound sense, relevance or something. Life in Singapore is pretty freakin' different from what I had back home. Maybe I'd expound on that later (or on another post), but I really just want to loosen some tight reserves I currently hold until this post. Or a.k.a., disclosed feelings.

Week 3 of class has just ended 4 hours ago. And inasmuch I want to unleash the extreme study mode (we all had that phase back then), I can't. I don't know why I still feel like I'm still on vacation mode. The thought of being away from home surely seems like vacation, but it needs to stop. I'm here for university, not for travel and leisure. I'm here for me, not for societal pressures back home. Simply put, I have no focus. No actually, I just don't have the exorbitant amount of focus needed for me to start taking this opportunity seriously. Le sigh. But I will. Soon, but effectively.

The ironic thing though is that I'm in the library right now. And instead of being like the heavily stereotyped 'kiasu' Singaporean who reads and studies XX number of advanced readings for next week's class (or the week after that, and the week after the week after that, etc.), I'm writing this post. I'm putting off homeworks and readings for tomorrow, just like how I did to survive high school before. Oh productivity. 

And speaking of sarcasm and de-meaning of self-worth, I've noticed I have been overly pessimistic lately. Being sort of a self-certified neurotic, I think the prospects of competing with competent undergraduates and/or adjusting to the educational system here have gotten me damn anxious. But I do promise myself to start being optimistic. They say, being optimistic is being opportunistic. Why trade off two positive values for one that doesn't help me at all? I, however, always fail at its implementation. But I shall be resilient! (See, I'm trying my best.)

As week 4 is about to start in 3 days time, I think I'll gradually adapt to everything. Reading my friend's blog, which Kara recommended me to read, inspired me to write again. Oh, and Izzie too, for reminding me I have a blog. But the point is, I'm here now. Yes, life here is different. Yes, I have to adapt. Yes, I have to do my own laundry. Yes, I have to beast the out of studying. But that doesn't mean I have to neglect my blog which I wasted time designing the layout of, or neglect doing things that have helped me overcome obstacles despite my pessimistic nature.

So I guess this will be the last (hopefully) pessimistically-toned post for this blog! As soon as I develop an optimistic attitude, I will start seeing things on their sunnier side. Of which the sun right now is currently not up and about, but you get my point...

Awkward.